Men and Women Again

Having written about the merits of couples in a previous post, I was reading through a friend’s blog, ( where she introduced something called “an open relationship”. Facebook used the term “open relationship”as an optional relationship status along with being single, married, divorced ..etc. The problem here is again reflecting our hypocrite society and how we are leaving in a schizophrenia of double standards, while the man would give himself the right to freely fly he will not accept it from his partner.  What is important in a couple’s relationship is the commitment each give to one another.I started to project some of the concepts that I teach in my HR course at the AUC on the couple’s relationship and found that the issue of psychological contract here applies very well. In a relationship, each party comes with his/her own expectations from the other partner, these expectations are unwritten, Armstrong have defined this type of contract as:

“The psychological contract expresses the combination of beliefs held by an individual and her or his employer about what they expect of one another. These expectations are reciprocal but they are unwritten.”

The psychological contract is implicit, it is based on unarticulated assumptions, and dynamic moreover, it develops over time. Sims 1994 said that:

‘A balanced psychological contract is necessary for a continuing harmonious relationship between the employee and the organization. However, the violation of the psychological contract can signal that the parties no longer share (or never shared) a common set of values and goals.’

In a sense and going back to the couple, partners should at the start of a relation express their expectations, in articulating them they become binding to each one and breach of contract is not in one mind only, but becomes clear to both partners.In her post Marwa Rakha was describing this emerging new type of relationships where a man is seeking new relations without giving up his existing one – a sort of bee behavior flying from one flower to another sipping its nectar and going back to his original flower. Marwa, in her post, explained in very clear words how men view the issue of open relation by saying:

“He gracefully explained to my not-so-enlightened self that this was the ideal relationship because they would never get bored of one another, they got to enjoy space and freedom, and that he was open and candid about having other partners, but he would always come back to her.”

Bored !!!! What a word – and open relation what a solution!!!! Enjoying space freedom can be achieved without hurting the partner, we tend while looking inside to forget that there is a counterpart, a partner with whom we share our lives and that this partner has feelings and whether we know it or not has expectations. This behavior is purely egocentric again promoted by our double standards in society, a society that is so permissive to male and very oppressive to females. A society that has drowned itself in the appearances judging everything by the appearance only, to the point that the creativity of some Egyptian females developed what Al Fagr highlighted as Virgin Prostitution because virginity has been reduced by society to the presence of the hymen, also hymenoplasty was invented to restore virginity. These two statuses are very far away from the principle, as virginity is a frame of mind and a set of behaviors. It is very saddening to see that deep meanings of purity and modesty are reduced to a small membrane, virginity is a state of mind and a set of behaviors it is not a duty of a women to stay virgin but it is the duty of both males and females to stay as such.   We live in a society that fails to take responsibility of its acts. But why the society condemns only the female when it takes two to Tango? Why does the society generalize and mix deliberately between a prostitute and a girl that had one experience? Why does the society thinks that a girl that did it once out of love or because she was deceived by her male partner would become a prostitute?The society is so superficial and it is taken by appearance, it is also a society of liars who hate the truthI am also very frustrated from the fact that a man does not marry a girl with whom he had premarital sex as if she is the only one guilty, why the full responsibility lies on the girl and the girl alone. It is either you accept totally or refuse totally there is no grey area in this it is either black or white


5 Responses to “Men and Women Again”

  1. 1 Basim Sultan July 18, 2007 at 1:54 pm

    Men and women who think being committed to a partner is a bad thing and having an ” open relationship ” is the best way to have many relations at the same time are in a big mistake. I don’t understand why some people are always wanting to be against human nature and just follow the west? We as a well educated people are seeing what social problems they are (the west) suffering from and it’s all because the of the family being destroyed there and being a very individiualized society, and we still want to be like them !!! Men and women who are thinking not being committed to some one else didn’t think about that day, when they are alone, old and grey, with no one around them, simply because they never been committed to any body, why should any body be committed to them at that day ? They will never be like someone who was committed for his life, but when you spend you life committed to your wife and family and you become old and grey, he will find his/her partner next to him/her, children who were will raised are there, and this is the day when you gain benefits from being committed. They are just taken by the fact they are young, full of life, friends around them and variety of ” open relations ” avaliable, they didn’t think about when they are in there 60’s, barely walking, i think they better do and think about it before there time comes.

  2. 2 rafiknakhla July 18, 2007 at 8:19 pm

    By the way in the west it is either you choose to be in an open relation no strings attached for both parties, or they commit to families and western families at least in Europe the partners are monogamous.
    The west is not all evil, we committ a big mistake when we generalize. Evil is in our home too it is not the others, we are notr angels.

  3. 3 Basim Sultan July 19, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    Yes sir, i totally agree with you, i won’t fall in that mistake. You know what, i totally believe that our main problem is being a hypocrite society, people who want to have open relations don’t accept the same relation for their sisters, and when they think about being committed to a partner, they never think about the ones who they were in a relation with before, or a girl he had a sexual intercourse with before. This is very strange, because you either be this or that, how they think they would be able to be both at the same time?

  4. 4 rafiknakhla July 19, 2007 at 8:20 pm

    Our major problem as a society is that we are torn in double standards, while permisive to the male very oppressive to the females. A man won’t marry a girl with whom he made love forgeting that it takes two to tango, he mistakenly thinks that she will prostitute herself and go with everyone, cancelling here a very important element in having sex which is love. The fact is he might be the criminal having lied to the girl to get her to bed by claiming he loves her. this is pure hypocrisy.

  5. 5 mohamed abdel raouf November 10, 2007 at 10:46 pm

    hi dr rakik
    i think that the relation between men & women is now open & free like the west trust with me that all things happen in the west about the relation between men & women now happen in egypt not in the same way but it si nearly close
    i admire with ur words “why the socity condemn only the female when it takes two to tango”
    but we can’t accept that in egypt i men that the east man can’t accept to marry non virgin woman although he may n’t be virgin
    it is conseder a kind of culture & value that we can’t accept

    hi dr: rakik

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